Story a Day

The kids all stood in line to go down Splash Mountain, sweat trickling down their expectant faces. They had chosen a ride and were waiting to experience it. I don’t know why that depressed me. Probably I just wanted to be someplace that served beer.

The house had a magic hole in the floor that granted wishes. I think something bad happened, and I wished to have never moved in, because now I don’t live there, but I kind of feel like I started to.

I moved into the house. It had a secret hole in the floor that granted wishes.

When I got a prosthetic hand, it helped. But I still can’t play poker; it clicks.

There was a keyboard, and any music you played on it would be played in a room somewhere else. You never knew who was listening.

“Stupid internet. Stupid hot weather. Stupid television. I didn’t make anything today.”

“Here, step on this cereal box. There, sculpture!”

“Give me a good sentence.”

“There once was a man from Nantucket.”

“No, give me a better one.”

“How about, ‘There once was a man from Nan Bucket.’ No wait, that sucks.”

“Actually, I think it’s easier to buy a couch and get it set up in your home than it is to rent an apartment.”

John had a cow, and he sold her.

Then he invested the money.

He wanted to be a somnambulist. So he started sleeping lightly.